Scott's Shovelhead Shed - Recently Updated Pages

Come on In !

maddog01 — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:39:53 CDT

In this site you will find upcoming events, stories of past events, pictures, and anything else we decide to stick in here!

We recently had our annual float trip! I was wondering if I could get some of the pics that everyone had taken over the weekend to add to our site!?!?

Check out the happnin at the shed page for details on Dart Tournament !

New Page added today for
Friends of The Shed
Click here for Friends of the Shed Link.
Benefits and Hapennings. Check it out to see if you know someone that is having an event that you were not aware of.

Any one out there that has any pictures we can post on our site please email them to Barry or
myself. I can be reached at poopsocked13@yahoo.com
Thanks!!

We are adding a video page for those of you that like a good laugh.
You can find them in Video Awareness

Friends of the Shed Benefits, Events, and Notices of things you may need to know.

maddog01 — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:32:56 CDT

Thanks to everyone for their contributions to Zoey and her family.

We will also be adding info in regards to the run will be having for Nate!! Coming Soon.

Page 2 Funnies Beginning with Joke number 31

parris52802 — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 19:13:30 CDT

Joke 31
Subject: FW: Wrong E-mail..... this is hysterical

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: January 13, 2007 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. Your loving husband, P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here.

FUNNIES FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT pg 1 Jokes 1 thru 30

parris52802 — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 19:10:48 CDT

Joke #1 Page Started 5/2/2007
SUBJECT: 3 blondes

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.
Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to
tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big
feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter mumbled, "Blondes!" and banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and
exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Booboo," and banished her to hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter is. "Easter is a Christian
holiday that
coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover
feast with His
disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The
Romans
hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb
behind
a very large boulder.

St. Peter said, "Verrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder,
and Jesus
comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."St Peter fainted.

**********************************************************
Joke#2

Subject: The Hen

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinkin' drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead? That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back right away".

St Peter replied, "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This isn't so bad" he thought, until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen. How are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode.

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"

"Never," replies Brian.

"Well just relax and let it happen".

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him....EVER!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shouting, "Brian, wake up you drunken bastard. You're shitting the bed!"

***********************************************
Joke#3

Subject: Fw: SEX ON MARS..

The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mike

and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about

all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how

they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and

finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience

one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.

He's got only a teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and just a

quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

''Why?" the Martian asks, "What' s the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.

With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite

impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long

pencil, it's still pretty narrow...."

''No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his

member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely

exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their

separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept

slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

********************************************
Joke#4

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

****************************************
Joke #5
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

*****************************************
Joke#6
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

*****************************************

Joke#7
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

*****************************************
Joke#8
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonay."

******************************************
Joke#9
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

************************************
Joke #10
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

****************************************
Joke#11
SICK LEAVE
I needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that
the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"
I told him Iwas a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her"...And where do you think you're going .

She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the DARK!"

******************************************

Joke#12
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby, so he went
before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion,
they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There
was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a
gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

After several embarrassing seconds had past, a little old lady seated
in the back pew, stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a
gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

***********************************

Joke 13

Subject: An Italian Story (ADULT)

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You fuck her again."

************************************************************
Joke #14 Subject: Never Argue with a Woman...

Never Argue with a Woman...

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.

What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.

"I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely
she can also think.
Send this to four women who are thinkers. If you
receive this, you know you're intelligent

***********************************************************

Joke 15

Some times you just have to ask yourself " Will I live to be 80?"

I recently chose a new primary care physician.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well"
for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"No," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, fishing or

relaxing at the beach?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
Then he looked at me and asked,
"Then why do you give a shit?".

******************************************************

Joke 16
Not Realy a Joke, But Something To let you feel your Age

Who is this man?

A) German Ambassador to the United States?

B) Former rock and roll star?

C) Spokane, Washington serial killer?

D) Announced Presidential candidate in?

E) CEO of Haliburton?

The answer:

Scroll Down >>>>

...

...

...

...

...

...

**************************************************
Joke 17

A young blonde woman in Dubuque, Iowa, was so depressed
that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the
Mississippi River.
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the
frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the
edge of the dock, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to
live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can
stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you
food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders
and added, I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl
nodded yes.
After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh
start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in
a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches
and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was
discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked."
I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
explained." I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Diamond Jo Casino
and we never leave the dock."
*******************************************************
Joke 18
12 signs you had too much to drink

It doesn't matter how many people see this, just

remember if it made you smile, your friends will smile too!
****************************************************
Joke 19

> > > >> >Butt Measurements>

A man and his wife were working in their garden

One day And the man looks over at his wife and says:

"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big.

I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape

and measured the grill and then went over to

where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is 2" wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.

He makes some advances towards his wife Who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers:

"Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill

for one little weenie ?"
*************************************************

Joke 20

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women

differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and

Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their

head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads

to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a

pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a

baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b i t ( # knows I'm smarter than her.
**********************************************************
Joke 21

Subject: Fw: The Restaurant

A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. But the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

********************************************************
Joke 22
Subject: Our kinda guy!

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Pinot Noir to an

attractive woman he spotted dining alone. The waiter took the Pinot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:

"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back....."

**************************************************************************
Joke 23
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to
his commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the do ctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "Whatin the world happened?"

The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS" ************************************************** Joke 24
Subject: Listening Skills
A widowed Jewish lady, was sunbathing on a beach at Boca Raton, Florida, USA
She looked up and noticed that a Man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely" she countered.
Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, She persisted. "Do you like pussy cats?
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
**************************************************

Joke 25

The innocence of a child

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?

"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then, "she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me

"Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked.

"It sure is," I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will
never believe this!"

8)
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

*************************************************

Joke 26
subject: sunburns

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible
sunburn.

He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with
second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he is in,
the doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse who is rather astounded, says, "What good will Viagra do him,
doctor?"

"It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

**********************************************

Joke 27

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy
walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger
than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, "the bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to
tell his mother that many of the men have larger thingees than his dad
does.
She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is."

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back again to the ocean to
play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells
mother:
"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the
dumber he gets

*****************************************************************
Joke 28

My First Time With a Condom
>
> I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
> I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman
> behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
> She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
>
> I honestly answered, "No." So she unwrapped the package, took one out
> and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on
> tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all
> around the store. It was empty. "Just a minute," she said, and walked to
> the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,
> unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it
> aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that
> all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the
> condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her
> panties and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We don't
> have much time."
> So I climbed on her.
>
> It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and
> POW, I was done within a few minutes.
>
> She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" I said, "I
> sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.

********************************************
Joke 29

Subject: Sam's Boots

>
>>An elderly couple, Sam and Bessie, live in Austin, Texas. Sam always
>>wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he
>>buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and
>>says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him
>>over, "Nope."
>>
>>Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
>>into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a
>>little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
>>
>>Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's so different? It's hanging down
>>today, it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again
>>tomorrow."
>>
>>Furious, Sam yells,"AND DO Y OU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN BESSIE?! IT'S
>>HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AND ADMIRING MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!"
>>
>>To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam.----- ya shoulda
>>bought a hat."
***********************************

Joke 30
Subject: Pharmacology

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

For example:

The trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.

Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin

and

Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts,

it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were:

Mycox afailin,

Mydixadrupin,

Mydixarizin,

Dixafix,

and of course,

Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form,

and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink,

and it gives new meaning to the names of:

"cocktails",

"highballs"

and just a good old-fashioned

"stiff drink".

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:

MOUNT & DO.

festivus pictures

davehaus11 — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:26:39 CDT

go to http://photos .walgreens.com/
user id sss-festivus
password festivus

Happnin' At The Shed

maddog01 — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 13:22:23 CDT

Come Join Us for an Event

Event: Dart Tournament

Who: Anyone willing to participate!

This Tournament will be taking place EVERY Tuesday night at the Shed! Hope to See You There!!

Event: Poker Run Cancelled (To be scheduled at a later time)

Time:
Where: Scott's Shovelhead Shed 220 N Pine Davenport, Iowa

What: Wienie Bite Contest, Poker Run @ 9 pm., Music, Good Friends and
WET T-SHIRT CONTEST @ 1:00a.m.
Wienie Bite
Winner Takes All!!

Wet T-Shirt Contest:
Prizes To Be Announced

More Details To Come So Please Check Back!!!
Hope To See You There!

Pictures Posted By Request From Our Friends

parris52802 — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 21:02:35 CDT

Love is in the air (Sweet T. And Botch)

Oh my God!! (I Didn't know she Felt this way)

Neither Did I !!!!!

Jenny,Ann,Anne,Cate,Erin,Tracy,Sweet T.

Ann N. and Anne G.

Anne,Traci,Cate,Jenny

Scotty's Hotties and Beach Pub Ladies

Mike, Sweet T., and Cate

Regular Day at the Shed and Traci's Friends

parris52802 — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 20:43:08 CDT

***********Same OLD Crowd*************

Terry and Jimmy

Jimmy and Jeffy at Traci's Party

Kimmy Showing Off at Traci's Party (She Has Boobs)

A Few of Our Regulars

parris52802 — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 20:37:37 CDT

Anne enjoying an afternoon at the Shed

It's about time for bed for Smitty

Dick (Alias Penis) Trying for the last five minutes to light his cigarette, but has not figured out how to use a BIC. Mechanically inclined he is NOT!!!!!!!

Video Awareness ! !

maddog01 — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 11:37:49 CDT

Here you go folks...

These are some of my favorite videos....Hope you enjoy them

as much as I do.. Enjoy!!

I Hope You Are Smiling By Now...If Not I Must Not Be Very Funny...LOL

Have A Nice Day!!

Biker's Unite ! !

parris52802 — Thu, 24 May 2007 20:48:42 CDT

This was a most interesting day....

This day started like any other Shovelhead Sunday. I was busy making bloody mary's, screwdrivers, you know giving the customers what they ask for....well, maybe not EVERY thing they asked for...anyway, in come a couple fellows out of the heat looking like a time machine just dropped them off from 1970 or so. Well, if any of you know me at all I couldn't keep a straight face..The tight white t- shirt, the old school ball shorts..the whistles and mustache just caught me by surprise....Well, after making the zoolander comment and of course offering them some refreshments, in walk about 10 more of these time sliders..By this time I thought I was going to have to find a pair of depends or maybe a diaper. These guys were hilarious...So as they cool off, and get a grip, I ask them what the hell is going on. Apparently it was one of the gym teachers birthday and he had decided this was a good idea. Bravo... A+ for imagination!!!! The group finished up their drinks and ready to travel on, so as any decent bartender would do I walk them out and was just about to wish them happy trails when I saw this.....

What a sight...There go the dry panties I was trying so hard not wet about 30 minutes ago...
In case any of you can't tell, there are about 15 bicycles lined up at an angle on the side of the street just like they had motors. I couldn't believe it...but then again, that just goes to show that you never know what to expect here at our lovely shed. Well, after the initial shock wore off and the time travelers mounted their time machines, we all wished them ado and away they rode into the sunset, but not before we got a picture of them on their trusty steeds!!

I would like to thank this group of totally off the wall people for bringing a bit of history to our end of town.. Hope to see ya'll again.. Take Care.
Traci and the Shed.

Gallery of moments in time at the Shovelhead Shed

parris52802 — Sun, 13 May 2007 20:16:42 CDT

Page 1

Terry,Jim,Smitty,Dan ----------------------------Tracy at Work

The Boss(Left) Terry (Right)

TIME WASTERS

parris52802 — Sun, 13 May 2007 19:11:18 CDT

Links to games you can play by yourself, when you have nothing better to do.
Please report a bad link or any problems with a link and we will remove it if necessary.
These links were found on the internet, or passed on from other members of this site.
All links have been used and tried by the writer or writers of this page before linking and are presumed to be safe and okay to use.
Picture of poopsocked, Note the shirt. The only person I know that admits to trying to annoy the whole world one person at a time. Do ya think she spent to much time getting wasted on this page, or just one to many tequillas at the Shovelhead Shed. Picture taken 9/8/2006
HAVE FUN and GET WASTED!!!!!!! playing.

DEFEND YOR KEG
33 GAME
SNOWBALL FIGHT

Friday the 13th Birthday Bash

maddog01 — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 19:59:51 CDT

The "Odd Couple"	It's My Birthday!	A Man and His Turd.
"The Love Boat"	Cowboy Troy and The Small Penis	Do we look alike?
"Look at these wierd bumps on my tongue." What could it be?	Wanna Watch?	"I Love You Man!"